Dear All Natural Dish Soap,

I regret to inform you that your services are no longer needed in our household. I was truly optimistic and looking forward to having a long working relationship with you, however after your trial work period I have come to the decision that you are not right for me or my family. You stand no chance against the pile of greasy, oily, buttery dishes in my sink. You are just not strong enough and I don't think I can live with dishes that are still greasy after being washed several times. Perhaps you'd be better off in a family that doesn't cook with butter or oil. Or perhaps you'd be better off in a family that only eats bread and drinks water. Either way, I wish you the best of luck in the future and hope you find a home more fitting. Thanks (kind of) for the many times you (attempted to) clean my dishes.

Sincerely,

Morgan