I had an interview in Chicago yesterday that the company flew me out for. I didn't know what the details were until I got the itinerary the day before. It was quite a shock to see that I was staying at the Four Seasons, but not as shocked as when I got to the airport and realized that my seats were first class. More shocked I became during the flight itself. I had never flown first class before, but I was really impressed the entire time. For those who haven't flown first class let me share my experience with you:

I sat waiting for the attendants to start the boarding process. Over the intercom they announced, "Now boarding First Class passengers only", so I stood up and started to walk down the skyway. As I strolled towards the plane I heard someone yell at me to stop! I looked up in surprise to find an attendant running from behind to catch up. "What gives you the right to walk down here?" they asked. "I am going to the plane!" I replied. The man then changed his tone, "No! What are you doing WALKING? Haven't you ever flown First Class?" I shook my head.

Then appeared a rickshaw pulled by small asian men. "Hop in! Ret us take you to the prane. Warking is for suckels." I knew that, so in I went, for the remaining 20 feet to the plane. So far so good.

Once in the plane I was directed to the left, behind the velvet rope and silk curtain to room that I could only describe as sophisticated. The walls were paneled in aromatic cedar with frescoed paintings on the ceilings in which depictions of rich and powerful people were being carried through the heavens on the backs of plebeians. The chairs with high backed and leather with wonder reclining features.

Now in my seat, and with the other people that shared the plane with us now aboard they commenced the emergency procedures, only this time it was different. There was no video of a ethnically diverse group of passengers joyfully enjoying the free flowing oxygen that arrived through plummeting face masks. Nor was there instruction on how to properly inflate a life vest.

The instruction was much different. We were told that we would be warned before an emergency, at least 5 minutes before hand allowed to board the emergency plane that was kept in the belly just under our seats. Our safety was guaranteed.

The dinner was delicious. I had the Bald Eagle egg omelet with White Rino steak. Jeeves cooked my food on a stove with no visible fuel source. I was informed that the stove ran on the heat generated by the contempt, jealousy and despise of those forced to turn right while boarding the plane. I applauded their "Green Energy" stance. My drink was a concoction of juices from rare berries grown only in the remotest of regions of Nepal (usually requiring a 2 week journey by expert Sherpas) and chilled with the ice chipped from a newly detached iceberg that had separated from Greenland due to global climate changes. It was delicious.

My sponge bath was fantastic too. I mean, how else are you supposed to get clean on an airplane after a relaxing warm mud treatment. I couldn't dare get my recliner filthy.

We landed safely in Chicago, however the weather was terrible and the plane had to stay at the end of the runway for a few hours until the tarmac could be cleared of snow and ice. Man, I am glad that they let us First Class people get on the heated snow cat that hooked up to the hidden exit in the floor.

We got to our terminal and waited to jump aboard our rickshaws again. (I knew the drill now).

So now that I have accurately described to you the First Class experience, I encourage you to land interviews at killer companies that will pay for it.